I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
