I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
