I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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