I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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