Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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