Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
