I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
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