That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it hurts more in the daytime
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
