Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
