i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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