so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
