You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
