awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
