that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
