one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
