just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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