Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
