A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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