i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
