i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize