..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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