I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
