oh god the rape fog is back!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
