I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
