Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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