Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
