mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
