A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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