I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
