The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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