it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
