you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize