Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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