oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
