My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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