So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
