All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
