A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
