im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
4 words: hood of his car
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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