Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the condom got lost in my hair
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The air was thick with penises
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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