Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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