I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
