My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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