Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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