I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
