ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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