Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
