i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
