remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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