grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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