I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
