Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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