Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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