A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
