dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
