So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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