What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
