After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
