Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
