You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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