True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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