Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
