She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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