how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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