Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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