Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
