I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
