absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
