Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
