I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
