So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What a dumb baby whore.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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