Don't you send me to vm
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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