I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
