is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
