I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
